Maybe it's my job.
Maybe it's depression or anxiety.
Maybe it's because winter (the slow death of nature) is coming back.
Maybe I'm just being dramatic or self-indulgent.
Maybe it's all that. Or none of it.
Nonetheless, it's recently been a struggle for me to do the things in life that I used to be quite passionate about.
And I'm not entirely hopeless, it's more like a roller coaster experience. A kiddie roller coaster, like The Mild Thing at Valleyfair. Pretty flat for the most part with moments of mild inspiration and excitement.
Some days I'll spend quiet time by myself. This is good for me. Sometimes it slows down my thoughts and emotions and leads me to prayer. Or I'll have an encouraging or thought-provoking conversation with a friend. Things like this motivate me and remind me of passions of mine that I've forgotten.
But often the motivation doesn't last very long. I return to feeling bored. Too tired. A lack of purpose.
For obvious reasons this concerns me. But what really gets my goat is that I guess I've always believed that my life would progressively get better. More exciting. I thought that with each year I would gain knowledge, friendships, understanding. I thought my spiritual life would be constantly improving. I thought I be a professional pray-er and theologian. Yet I seem to be acquiring more burdens and more questions. And I thought that by this time I would have nailed down my purpose in life, and be well on my way to . . . who knows where.
It is truly disappointing for me that I see my life staying put, or even regressing in terms of feeling purposeful.
Of having faith.
Trust.
A feeling of peace.
I must take it day by day. And I must not overlook how much I have to be grateful for.
Do you ever struggle with feeling motivated?
What is it that gives you purpose?
4 comments:
I believe that at some time, we all struggle with feeling purposeful and motivated. Sometimes it is enough for me to just get through the work day and then have enough energy to do something else. A few weeks ago I started to pray every morning for God to make me a blessing to someone that day. So if I have don’t accomplish anything else that day, big or small, I have that.
Isn’t it true that once we grow up and have responsibilities, life sure changes – some ways good, some not so good.
Mom- I think that's a really cool thing that you're doing, praying every morning that God would make you a blessing to someone that day. What better goal could one set for her life? And what better, more realistic way to accomplish it exists, than taking it day by day? Protecting oneself from getting overwhelmed. Sometimes I sit down to take a minute to pray before my day starts. The prayer usually doesn't have a focus though, nor does it include something to dedicate my day to. I am going to try what you're trying and I'll let you know how it goes for me.
If there is one person I DONT think of as being self indulgent, its you. I dont know how you do it, actually. And being your older brother, the community college dropout, I know exactly how you feel sometimes, which I think everyone does if they are healthy.
Taking things day by day I feel is an excellent route, or else you focus on how much you really havent gotten done, and expect to much of yourself. It seems there is never enough time to get the things done that we feel passionate(sp?) about, because we are too busy being honest hard working people that treat others like they should be treated (thanks to mom an dad).
There is something to be said about simply following the golden rule, I think. Also, in accepting that there is never enough time in the day to get done what I want to get done, I think I said I was going to get a guitar and learn to play it about 6 years ago. Like you said, you just cannot overlook how much you have to be grateful for, and try not to feel the burden of things which are out of our control, and be satisfied in simply not contributing to them.
And a little more self indulgence when youre down never hurt anyone!
Kevin- Thank you. I don't know why it's so hard for me to naturally take life day by day. It's like I'm in a hurry to make my life look exactly how I always hoped it would look. And when I follow this pattern I get discouraged by the lack of quick results and and it makes me want to try even less.
I think I have to accept the fact that there's usually not enough time in the day to get all the things I want to get done. Spend a little more energy in simply living for the few things that I believe to be important and true, instead of burdening myself with some things that really are out of my control.
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