Relation

How is it that you interact with God? What is it like?

How do you experience him? Or do you just learn about him?

I have been exploring these questions lately. I've sort of come to the conclusion that I don't really experience or interact with God. In fact I'm rather scared of and intimidated by him.

Yes, God, I am intimidated by you. I'm sorry.

And I don't think I should be. I don't have a good reason.

One of my explanations, to try make sense to myself of why I feel this way, is that I don't really understand God. I know it's impossible for anyone to entirely "understand" God. But what bothers me is that I don't understand how to be in a relationship with him, how to relate to him, so most times I just don't. I would like to think that I do, but the truth is I usually avoid him.

And as humans, we are naturally fearful or skeptical of things or people that we don't understand. It's easier for us to live if we only deal with people just like us. It's easier for us to sleep if we don't challenge ourselves with different ways of thinking.

It wasn't always this way either. I have this memory of a period of time in my life in which I felt sure of things. I remember praying often, enjoying worship, and feeling quite connected to God.
I'm not quite sure what changed, though.